Repost: progress

How did I become this person
That no longer craves other humans
For my own comfort?
Where did it all change?
Looking back
trying to put the pieces together
I can’t seem to figure
It all out
With each year that past.
One person was removed from me
They moved on
Or found other friends
It never bothered me.

Looking back
I depended on them like oxygen.
I relied on them to make me happy
Forgetting that they were also humans.
Not feeling affected by the things
That people say about me
Is that good or bad?
They insult me
I laugh
Don’t ask me why
I just do.
It doesn’t bother me
Nights are not so lonely
Too tired to listen to my mind
So tired but content

I don’t stress no more
If things don’t come to me
I don’t bother
All I do is pray
I know I’m not good at that
But I don’t mind
I speak to him
Knowing he listens
And has the solution to my small problems
I cry to him
When I’m lonely
When I need confort
I turn to him
I needed a hug
So badly.
I cried to him.
You know how I feel
Dreamt of someone hugging me
A brightlight
That hugged me
I never have forgotten that feeling.

I was once suicidal
I was once anxious
And depressed
Upstairs was a war zone
Not even music could help
Would sleep any little given opportunity
That world was much better than
This world I was living in.
Sleeping was my safe heaven.
Until it was taken away
From me.
How could someone be jealous
Of another human sleeping?

Growing up was a war.
With myself and the people around me.
Called me selfish lazy and stupid.
Sucked that in.
7 years down the line
I’m doing well.
I cried to him
To help them see
I’m in great need of help.
He used the person
I hated the most
To dig me out.
He made my father
See that I wasn’t been selfish
He made my father see
That everything that was happening
Wasnt my fault.
He has never failed me.
It took a lonnnnng time.
And it wasn’t easy
he came through eventually.

Originally written on 28th Dec 2018

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