Tap out

I want to tap out.
I want another way out.
I can’t go on like this.
I was fine,
Boxed my emotions away.
Done as was told.
Lead by a good example.
That’s just it.
What next.
You tell me what to do,
Forget I have a choice,
And a voice too.
Man this is messed up.
My life doesn’t feel,
Like it’s my life.
Been doing things for
But never care,
To have an interest
In what I want.
Saying not now,
That’s not important.
Making me feel dependant.
I really feel reluctant.
Fighting with myself
Go now! before it’s too late.
It’s already too late.
From the moment,
I was born
My future was known.

I want out.
I tap out.
Yet you call me,
Back in.
Telling me,
You ain’t thinking straight.
I never was thinking in the first place.
From depression to anxiety.
From anxiety it all became too much.
I turned mute.
Who would speak to a robot.
I do as I’m told.
I don’t want no trouble.
Thought that’s what made me
I sleep
Drifting away from this
World to another.
A world where
I can do whatever.
Kiss a guy and make love
Not having to fear,
If my future
Will come at a cost.
For when I sleep
I feel at ease.

Filled with life and ambitions.
Made some plans.
Made the right decisions.
Had it all planned out
Ended up jumping to conclusions
Predicted the answer
Before asking the question.
The game never changes
It’s just the players who change.

I want out.
I want me.
I chose me.
Whoever she is.
I choose what I want.
I choose!
Not you.
I won’t ask for your approval
Your time is running out
Mine just began.

This is just another thought.
Beautiful as it is.
I can’t tap out,
I don’t live upstairs,
GOD does.
I’m tired.
I’m sad.
I’m empty.
I don’t want.
But I still stay.
For I was once lead astray.
The darkness is my weakness
The darkness is my strength
Knowing I don’t want That
Makes me stay.
I stay silent
Mouth shut
Ears opened.

Instagram: @poetry_de_ria


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